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Name: neener
School: USC Marshall School of Business
Status: Employed...finally
E-mail: Click here!
Reason for blogging: I'm incredibly self-absorbed. |
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I'm listening to...
::"Stay Beautiful," The Last Goodnight
::"Spaceman," The Killers
::"Green Light," John Legend
::"Superstar," Lupe Fiasco
I'm watching...
::24
::The Office
I'm reading...
::Taiwan, A Political History, by Denny Roy
::The Devil and Miss Prym, by Paulo Coehlo
I've just seen...
::Slumdog Millionaire
::I Love You, Man
::The Reader
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All You Single Ladies! (Part 2) And now we continue our lesson on love as learned from Korean dramas. I should note that the research behind this lesson is specific to Korean romantic comedies, not to be confused with the depressing stuff that they sometimes broadcast that usually features one or more the following things: death of the female lead, icky potential incest issues (gross), death of the male lead, death of the cute but really bad child actor, etc. Sooooo depressing. Anyway, back to the fun stuff.
Let's Get It Started!
Are you thin? Check. Poor? Check. Living at home? Check. Now you need to find yourself either working for your Prince Charming or in a situation where you repeatedly bump into him. This is important because you need him to bully you on a regular basis so that you can alternate between crying and yelling (warning: when you yell, you bear uncanny resemblance to your mother). Also, remember how I said you need to be in a financial jam and that his mother is trying to get him married off? Once you've made his acquaintance, you need to somehow strike a deal with him. The terms are these: he'll "lend" you the money in return for pretending to be his significant other to thwart his mother's plans. It's called "contract dating." I know, it kinda sounds like prostitution, but it's not technically prostitution, since no prostitute has to pay back her customer with interest. Anyway, when the contract is drafted, make sure you put in (1) a clause prohibiting dating anyone else during this period and (2) a clause prohibiting the two parties from falling in love with each other. Why, you ask? Because rules are made to be broken!
On the Road To Bliss
So now you guys have officially started "dating." The best way to ensure future happiness (and real dating) is to do as many as possible of the following things:
- You both get really drunk. You puke on him. He carries you to his apartment because he doesn't know where you live. He takes off your puke-stained clothing before letting you sleep on the bed. You wake up in your skivvies and think something has happened. A hilarious misunderstanding ensues.
- Reverse roles. Repeat.
- You meet each other's parents. Your mom loves him because he's hot and rich; his mom hates you because you're poor.
- In between all the bullying, he occasionally opens up to you about his childhood trauma/lost love/other baggage. You comfort him. Then he gets all pissy and starts bullying you again.
- You have a brief moment of argument-free fun before the "other woman" enters the picture.
- Something happens, you guys fight, and he breaks off the contract. Then somehow you guys start up again.
- Reverse roles. Repeat.
- Another guy (best if it's an ex) comes into the picture. He gets jealous.
- He takes you shopping because your wardrobe sucks. He has a Pretty Woman moment where he realizes you're pretty underneath all that poverty.
The more of the above you accomplish, the better chance you'll have of landing Prince Charming. He'll soften up and become less douche-y; your mom will get off your back; you'll learn it's all about loving yourself and finding someone who loves you as you are, as long he's got a kickass W-2.
There you go. All the relationship advice that you can glean from K-dramas condensed in two posts. Now go out and try it!
All You Single Ladies! (Part 1) Let me tell you about finding a man...Korean-drama style! As we all know, art imitates life. Wait, or is it the other way around? Oscar Wilde said that "Life imitates art far more than art imitates life." Wait, let me hop off the tangent train before it leaves the station.
Back to my point. If we assume that we can learn how to live our lives from art (and yes, it may be stretching it to call K-dramas "art"), then K-dramas have a lot to teach us about love. Here are some tips I have gleaned from all the K-dramas I have been watching during my period of unemployment. Go forth, use them, and be prosperous in love. They always work on TV, so they must work in real life!
Know What You're Looking For
First, you have to look for the right man. The ideal man is taller than the average male. He works out on a regular basis. He usually has a mane of hair, and I do mean a mane. Ideally he uses up as much shampoo as you do when he washes his hair. He is very wealthy, and is usually the first or second son in a family that runs a large company. If he is on the younger side, he should be spoiled and bratty. If he is older, he is snobby and condescending. Don't worry if you think he's a jackass at first....that's all part of the story! He should be a perpetual bachelor with a mother who is desperately trying to get him married off. He's really good at thwarting her plans, though. The ideal man has suffered some sort of childhood trauma or has lost his first love or...well, basically he needs to have some emotional baggage which he reveals through rare moments of vulnerability. This makes it easier for you to forgive him his trespasses...and oh, he will trespass. A lot. There should be another woman who is socially and financially his equal and wants him for herself. She should be pretty hot. Nothing is better for a relationship than a love triangle. Nothing!
Are You In the Right Place?
To have a successful relationship (after many long episodes without success), you must first be in the right place in your life. The good news, ladies, is that age doesn't matter. You can be in or just out of college...you can be in your 30s. The bad news? You have to be thin. Even if you are supposed to be "fat," you are in a culture where "fat" people are actually thin. So start dieting. As a guideline, you want to be about 1/4 of the mass of a typical American. It also helps to be very poor. If you're not poor, then you should at least be in some sort of financial jam where you need some money right away. You should live at home with only one parent, usually the mother. Your mother should be nosy and always harping on you to get married. She will often chase you around the house while beating you with some sort of object and yelling with a super annoying, incredibly high screech. It's tough, but you just have to put up with it because you're the heroine.
Now the stage is set. Stay tuned for Part 2, when those love sparks start to fly!
Finding Nemo. No, I'm Serious. Find Him! 
Can you see him? Okay, he doesn't look exactly like Nemo, but he is technically a clownfish.
Speaking of things to do when you're unemployed like me, now you can visit museums on their free days! The free days are usually on weekdays, which really doesn't benefit working folks, that is, when we were working. The California Academy of Sciences has free days every month for San Francisco residents (the day depends on what neighborhood you live in) and for non-residents, it's free on Wachovia Wednesdays (the third Wednesday of every month). I woke up late and didn't make it over there until it was about to close, so I couldn't fully explore it.
The section I did get to explore in depth was the aquarium, which ROCKS! I love it! My favorite fish looks like a little puffy ball that awkwardly swims about. So cute! Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get a good picture of it. So here are some jellyfish instead.
The Academy is pretty cool, and I hope to go back again to check the other stuff, like the rain forest they have over there.
Unemployment Fun. Unemployment got you down? Sure, some stuff isn't fun, such as:
1. Looking for jobs (I hate it!)
2. Paying bills (all cash outflow, no cash inflow)
3. Cutting down on expenses (damn cable with its exorbitant fees!)
4. Getting turned down for jobs
...There's more, but I'm just depressing myself now.
But if you have some savings to live off of and are collecting unemployment, it's not all bad. Trust me, you'd eventually go mad if you treated job hunting as a full-time activity, so here are some ideas to stave off the unemployment blues:
1. Volunteer
2. Travel (on the cheap, of course)
3. READ! (I just finished Sputnik Sweetheart)
4. Catch up on all the stuff work made you too tired to do.
Number 4 is a biggie. For example, watch those Asian dramas you haven't had the time to watch (more on that later).
Try baking something you've never made before, even if it's a 1.5 day project, because hey, you've got the time now!
For YJ's birthday, a big chocolate cake that turned out shorter than expected...
...and plan B in case the big cake turned out to be bad.
Why not finish that crochet project that kind of fell by the wayside? (Hmmm, one side of this blanket is longer than the other...I'll just call it "asymmetrical" rather than start over.)
And of course, maybe post once in a while in that blog you started way back when.
It was hairy for a moment there... Is it only me, or does anyone else get really grossed out by the hirsute bicyclist in the Boost Mobile ad that's playing on TV right now. I mean, REALLY GROSSED OUT. I can't even watch the thing without my gag reflex kicking in.
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When I learn a new word, I'll put it here so you can learn too!
EBITAS (noun):
Abbreviation for "Earnings Before Income Tax, Amortization, and SGARA." Next week, find out what SGARA is.
Click here for previous "new words." |
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