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Name: neener
School: USC Marshall School of Business
Status: Employed...finally
E-mail: Click here!
Reason for blogging: I'm incredibly self-absorbed. |
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I'm listening to...
::"Stay Beautiful," The Last Goodnight
::"Spaceman," The Killers
::"Green Light," John Legend
::"Superstar," Lupe Fiasco
I'm watching...
::24
::The Office
I'm reading...
::Taiwan, A Political History, by Denny Roy
::The Devil and Miss Prym, by Paulo Coehlo
I've just seen...
::Slumdog Millionaire
::I Love You, Man
::The Reader
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All You Single Ladies! (Part 2) And now we continue our lesson on love as learned from Korean dramas. I should note that the research behind this lesson is specific to Korean romantic comedies, not to be confused with the depressing stuff that they sometimes broadcast that usually features one or more the following things: death of the female lead, icky potential incest issues (gross), death of the male lead, death of the cute but really bad child actor, etc. Sooooo depressing. Anyway, back to the fun stuff.
Let's Get It Started!
Are you thin? Check. Poor? Check. Living at home? Check. Now you need to find yourself either working for your Prince Charming or in a situation where you repeatedly bump into him. This is important because you need him to bully you on a regular basis so that you can alternate between crying and yelling (warning: when you yell, you bear uncanny resemblance to your mother). Also, remember how I said you need to be in a financial jam and that his mother is trying to get him married off? Once you've made his acquaintance, you need to somehow strike a deal with him. The terms are these: he'll "lend" you the money in return for pretending to be his significant other to thwart his mother's plans. It's called "contract dating." I know, it kinda sounds like prostitution, but it's not technically prostitution, since no prostitute has to pay back her customer with interest. Anyway, when the contract is drafted, make sure you put in (1) a clause prohibiting dating anyone else during this period and (2) a clause prohibiting the two parties from falling in love with each other. Why, you ask? Because rules are made to be broken!
On the Road To Bliss
So now you guys have officially started "dating." The best way to ensure future happiness (and real dating) is to do as many as possible of the following things:
- You both get really drunk. You puke on him. He carries you to his apartment because he doesn't know where you live. He takes off your puke-stained clothing before letting you sleep on the bed. You wake up in your skivvies and think something has happened. A hilarious misunderstanding ensues.
- Reverse roles. Repeat.
- You meet each other's parents. Your mom loves him because he's hot and rich; his mom hates you because you're poor.
- In between all the bullying, he occasionally opens up to you about his childhood trauma/lost love/other baggage. You comfort him. Then he gets all pissy and starts bullying you again.
- You have a brief moment of argument-free fun before the "other woman" enters the picture.
- Something happens, you guys fight, and he breaks off the contract. Then somehow you guys start up again.
- Reverse roles. Repeat.
- Another guy (best if it's an ex) comes into the picture. He gets jealous.
- He takes you shopping because your wardrobe sucks. He has a Pretty Woman moment where he realizes you're pretty underneath all that poverty.
The more of the above you accomplish, the better chance you'll have of landing Prince Charming. He'll soften up and become less douche-y; your mom will get off your back; you'll learn it's all about loving yourself and finding someone who loves you as you are, as long he's got a kickass W-2.
There you go. All the relationship advice that you can glean from K-dramas condensed in two posts. Now go out and try it!
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When I learn a new word, I'll put it here so you can learn too!
EBITAS (noun):
Abbreviation for "Earnings Before Income Tax, Amortization, and SGARA." Next week, find out what SGARA is.
Click here for previous "new words." |
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